Elaina has 2 friends staying the night tonight. It is so reminiscent of my pre-teen-hood. Except I didn't fart around my friends. I do now, though.
3 Pizzas
Pop
Candy (3 diff kinds)
Tent
2 sleeping bags
3 loud mouths
= a headache for me + 800 mg Ibuprofen = bed time very, very, soon.
Next weekend we'll make our way to Baker City, OR to meet my parents. They're taking Lainie for the summer & we'll spend Friday and Saturday at the hotel there. It will be really good to see them, although I am scared (not sure if that's the right word) to see how my dad has changed in the past 2 mos. I haven't studied up too much on the steps of grieving, but I would say that I'm currently on the edge of acceptance. Teetering, albeit. Humpty Dumpty and the Wall if you will. I still cry about it from time to time, but have resorted to focusing on the now and enjoying life. Dad says "Life's too short."
Did I mention the For Sale sign is out on the lawn now? The plan, I guess?, is to sell, move to an apartment with a month-to-month lease and then secure employment and residence back home and move. Sooo much to think about. Never in my life have I felt more grounded and secure and content. So to rock the boat so much is sorta unsettling. Being with my parents right now is what is most important. Everything will fall into place.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Jelly
So... first week results are in! I've lost 6.6 lbs! Woot me. And this is all despite my eating 30 whoppers before bed last night. That was the most ill-behaved I've been all week.
Eddy can't tell and my pants are still tight... More work ahead!
I didn't do very well with exercise this week. Probs because I didn't feel too well throughout parts of the week.
It's Memorial Day weekend. 2 whole days (I worked yesterday) with the whole fam. It's now raining on my window.
We finished our little landscaping project out front. Will take pics and post them. It's Eddy & my first successful DIY project.
Toodles.
Eddy can't tell and my pants are still tight... More work ahead!
I didn't do very well with exercise this week. Probs because I didn't feel too well throughout parts of the week.
It's Memorial Day weekend. 2 whole days (I worked yesterday) with the whole fam. It's now raining on my window.
We finished our little landscaping project out front. Will take pics and post them. It's Eddy & my first successful DIY project.
Toodles.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Dolla dolla bills y'all
We just did a budget. It sucked. I'm depressed. I know that I was designed and evolved into being most comfortable in a life of luxury. Where is it?? I'd know exactly what to do with it.
Going to see mom & dad for a week-ish in late June. Excited about that, but since it's upaid, also a little worried.
How to make money; a brainstorming activity:
- Sell my ova.
- Be a surrogate
-Find a real way to make millions online with just a simple website. No work! Think of it as a cruise control deposits into your checking account. There has to be a real one out there!
-Sell the rejected products he brings me home on eBay at $2 less than it would cost to buy the quality product.
-Start my own webcam focusing on some strange and mild fetish. Maybe verbal scolding, leg shaving, or watching me do the dishes. Some sort of way for me to do nothing whore-ish, yet make big bucks off of weirdos.
-Mow lawns.
-Get a 2nd legitimate job. Ugh..... Luxury, diamonds, pearls, hammocks, and housekeepers.... where ART thou?
Going to see mom & dad for a week-ish in late June. Excited about that, but since it's upaid, also a little worried.
How to make money; a brainstorming activity:
- Sell my ova.
- Be a surrogate
-Find a real way to make millions online with just a simple website. No work! Think of it as a cruise control deposits into your checking account. There has to be a real one out there!
-Sell the rejected products he brings me home on eBay at $2 less than it would cost to buy the quality product.
-Start my own webcam focusing on some strange and mild fetish. Maybe verbal scolding, leg shaving, or watching me do the dishes. Some sort of way for me to do nothing whore-ish, yet make big bucks off of weirdos.
-Mow lawns.
-Get a 2nd legitimate job. Ugh..... Luxury, diamonds, pearls, hammocks, and housekeepers.... where ART thou?
Monday, May 18, 2009
Plans
I've committed myself to losing weight. 57 lbs to be exact. About 7 years ago I lost 80 lbs and have since gained back over 30. I'm starting the couch potato to 5k running program. It is pretty intense, although running for 60 seconds to start out with may seem easy. It's not. At least for me.
I'll link: http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml
Anyways, now that it is down in writing I can't un-commit. Unless I delete this post and in that case those that have read it can remind me that it was once on my blog.
I'll link: http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml
Anyways, now that it is down in writing I can't un-commit. Unless I delete this post and in that case those that have read it can remind me that it was once on my blog.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Wreckish
My mind wanders constantly. I always let it. Sometimes it wanders to the best idea, worst nightmare, foresight, reminiscent, and most entertaining, random. I had a therapist once who said, "What you resists, persists.", and decided then and there to allow my mind free reign. By posting this I have committed meditation, so unfortunately I won't be able to actually act out this random wander for fear of criminal prosecution. There are too many ugly spots of brown grass, dirt, weeds, and cement in this world. Figuratively and literally speaking.
When I was a kid my house was backed up against a big forested area. Our back yard South to North was: grass, brick patio, deck, stairs down to the garden, the garden, patch of grass, lots of dirt and then finally the forest. My parents (agreeably I speak) decided to buy a mass of wildflower seeds and sprinkle the seeds on the patch of dirt between the grass and the forest. With no garden utensils, additional water from the hose, or even a moment toiled with manual labor, my parents gave life to maybe 20 different flower species over a huge area of dirt. It was effortless, natural and, freeing in some sort of way. I always appreciated the image, and now I vividly remember the different shapes, colors, and heights of the flowers. It was comforting.
I drive through this small to medium town I see commercialization, estrangement, and worry. This creates a nearly subconscious layer of tense behind day to day life.
These two facts create one wonderful wander:
Wildflowers. Any. Location. That. Is. Ugly.
Intersection corners, patch of dry land burnt to a dark brown dust, curbs in front of closed businesses, free clinics, and at the risk of sounding absurd, sex offender's residences. Label the uncomfortable. Let the tense leave. Don't change the meaning. Change the feeling.
Soon this would create a media frenzy. The Wildflower Bandits, Law Breakin' Hippies, Aristotle's Apostles! Who were they? Police sketches dictated by eye witnesses. $300 reward for information leading to the arrest and conviction of. Time went by. I lounged in the front of my home in an extra contouring hammock. I smiled. Eventually no one was hot on my tail anymore.
Why the resistance to behave instinctualy? Relax. Enjoy. Think but don't worry.
When I was a kid my house was backed up against a big forested area. Our back yard South to North was: grass, brick patio, deck, stairs down to the garden, the garden, patch of grass, lots of dirt and then finally the forest. My parents (agreeably I speak) decided to buy a mass of wildflower seeds and sprinkle the seeds on the patch of dirt between the grass and the forest. With no garden utensils, additional water from the hose, or even a moment toiled with manual labor, my parents gave life to maybe 20 different flower species over a huge area of dirt. It was effortless, natural and, freeing in some sort of way. I always appreciated the image, and now I vividly remember the different shapes, colors, and heights of the flowers. It was comforting.
I drive through this small to medium town I see commercialization, estrangement, and worry. This creates a nearly subconscious layer of tense behind day to day life.
These two facts create one wonderful wander:
Wildflowers. Any. Location. That. Is. Ugly.
Intersection corners, patch of dry land burnt to a dark brown dust, curbs in front of closed businesses, free clinics, and at the risk of sounding absurd, sex offender's residences. Label the uncomfortable. Let the tense leave. Don't change the meaning. Change the feeling.
Soon this would create a media frenzy. The Wildflower Bandits, Law Breakin' Hippies, Aristotle's Apostles! Who were they? Police sketches dictated by eye witnesses. $300 reward for information leading to the arrest and conviction of. Time went by. I lounged in the front of my home in an extra contouring hammock. I smiled. Eventually no one was hot on my tail anymore.
Why the resistance to behave instinctualy? Relax. Enjoy. Think but don't worry.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
I hate update posts, but not much I can do about that since it has been 2 + weeks from my last post.
Eddy, the kids, and I went to Washington to visit my parents, friends, and other family. It was great to be back. My dad started clinical trial drugs the day before our departure and he is still seeming to tolerate the side effects well. I held it all together fairly well while I was there. We kept busy and once we went to back out of the driveway I started crying. The thought of never seeing him look the same, anticipation of the deterioration that is inevitable, and the non-guarantee of when I'd be back to hug him again was all too much. Now I find myself sort of scared to call them. My dad called that the "cancer curse". No one knows what to say so they just avoid him and the situation. I push through that because he's my dad and even if I can't come up with something to say, just calling will be good. Someday he won't be there to answer.
I'm starting to seriously contemplate studying philosophy. I do it all day, everyday, so I might as well earn a degree to make my space-out contemplations worthwhile.
Welp. Today will continue in my pajamas, on my couch watching cartoons and eating Easter candy. Sweetness.
Eddy, the kids, and I went to Washington to visit my parents, friends, and other family. It was great to be back. My dad started clinical trial drugs the day before our departure and he is still seeming to tolerate the side effects well. I held it all together fairly well while I was there. We kept busy and once we went to back out of the driveway I started crying. The thought of never seeing him look the same, anticipation of the deterioration that is inevitable, and the non-guarantee of when I'd be back to hug him again was all too much. Now I find myself sort of scared to call them. My dad called that the "cancer curse". No one knows what to say so they just avoid him and the situation. I push through that because he's my dad and even if I can't come up with something to say, just calling will be good. Someday he won't be there to answer.
I'm starting to seriously contemplate studying philosophy. I do it all day, everyday, so I might as well earn a degree to make my space-out contemplations worthwhile.
Welp. Today will continue in my pajamas, on my couch watching cartoons and eating Easter candy. Sweetness.
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