I'm a dirty blonde that's living in the moment.

I got rid of the highlights in my hair and went (or attempted, we'll see) back to my natural darkish blonde. Cole said, "I like your black hair mommy." I said, "No, it's Dark Neutral Blonde." He said, "Yeah, dark neutral blonde." I'm sick of keeping up on the roots of the highlights.

I'm also living in the moment. I can't over explain that one or I will be living out of the moment. It helps.

My dad was taken off chemo. It was causing some bad bleeding. Not sure what that means, maybe I'll know more after his next Oncology appt on the 31st. At this point, I know I can't expect good news, so I'm no longer clinging to his appointments and medicines and doctors for reassurance. There is no reassurance in his illness. There IS reassurance in his voice, his love, and our memories.

I'm working on a memory book for my dad. I cry every time I work on another page, but it is sort of a relieving cry. It's for me just as much as it is for him. I'm slowly grasping this. Slowly processing. It's so painful. But, it's life. No one ever asked me to set the rules. There's probably a reason for that. It is wonderful to think about all of the memories I have with him. I remember my mom telling me that when I was born my dad was crying and said that she could never take me away from him. She said she wouldn't, and I imagine that is when his heart opened and trapped me in forever.

It's so true that feeling joy is only possible by feeling sadness.

I am engaged!! I'm so in love. Eddy is the person I want to wake up with everyday of the rest of my life. He is mine. Like he was special-ordered. Like he is white cake, frosted with butter cream frosting. I know there is a reason my life is so crazy right now. It's because he is here to love me through it. My ring is beautiful, and it represents something that is so important to me, so close to my heart-- which makes it even more beautiful-er.

We went to SLC this weekend to pick up Elaina at the airport. It is so good to have her back! We went school shopping and out for a welcome back dinner. Eddy couldn't believe how much she had grown and Cole was hysterical with happiness!

I'm going out to visit my parents in early Sept. It will be good!

Sicko

Today has been remarkably nice. I haven't had a Saturday off for a few weeks and not having to set the alarm last night felt nice. Cole and I went to the store and stopped by work for my schedule. He was extraordinarily pleasant to be out in public with.

Eddy's car water pump went out over a week ago and he's yet to receive his parts to fix it. Today he tore it down so that when the parts come he'll be able to jump right in to the installation. I brought him lunch home from Wendy's and not even an hour later he was throwing up and stuff. And by "and stuff" I mean pooping. It is past 11pm and he still is sick. He barfed in this wood garbage basket I have up in our bedroom, I could barely put it in a plastic bag to go out to the trash without puking myself. He's gonna hafta buy me a new one. He's burning up too. Hopefully he'll feel better soon. I've been very productive with him being sick, I cleaned out our pantry, did the dishes, laundry, etc. He'll be happy when he can finally manage to make it downstairs.

I think I'll watch some stuff from the DVR and then go to bed, on the couch. I just cannot bring myself to sleep next to potential throw up and diarrhea. Poor guy. I love him, just not his bodily fluids. If I had a bell I'd give it to him to ring if he needed anything. But I don't. That makes my apprehension to sleep by him a little less mean, right?

Oh, at Walmart today this woman came up to me, put her hand on my shoulder and spoke in an onion-y smelling voice. She said something about me having two kids, her not able to have any because of scoliosis and mental delays, etc. I just grinned and nodded and kept repeating "thanks!" Her breath was horrid. I'm pretty sure she was admiring my little family, but MY GOD she smelled. Anyway.

Love to my peeps.

A title does not come to mind...

Today kind of sucked and kind of didn't. It started out yucky with Eddy being a little bitchy at me. See his car is broken down at the moment, we are sharing a vehicle, and somehow this makes me the problem. But I rationalized with him and he saw the screaming bright white light and, POOF, wasn't a moron anymore. I can't handle it when people are not nice for a bad and/or no reason. It makes me MAD. I'm like, "Stop being mean!" But not in a pleading sort of way, more in a threatening to stomp your toe type of way. Good thing we had to share a car and weren't in the same place or he would have a hurt toe right now.

Dad had to go the doctor's office today for another CT scan and stress test. They are now saying that his asthma may be a problem in participating in the Interleukin trial. The scan and stress test shall determine. Two months post diagnosis and he still has yet to have any sort of treatment. And now what he's been waiting to do may not happen?! My mom sounds on edge and I pity the fool that crosses her next. It feels really helpless at the moment. We go out for a visit in a little over a week. I just don't know what to expect...

Work was fun today. As usual!

And I leave you with this:

"There is no off position on the genius switch." - David Letterman