Protect the insurance companies (and their well-deserved executive pay)!
This is great!
Personally, I have had claims denied by insurance companies because the doctor and hospital "were out of network" despite them paying claims to the exact same doctor and hospital weeks earlier. Result: the claims were paid, but only after a handful of calls, most of the time spent on hold, and a mass amount of frustration. I'm sure that is just a drop in the bucket in terms of insurance company troubles. My Dad has a max out of pocket of $2000 and with his diagnosis this year and all of the subsequent appointments, medications, consultations, referrals, etc., he has exceeded the max. Of course he is the one to bring it to Kaiser's attention. It makes me wonder how many sick people with no effective means of record keeping and/or the capacity to deal with the insurance companies end up paying waaaaaay beyond their max. And then there is the whole issue of my Mom getting health insurance after my Dad is gone. Huge premium & partial coverage is what we're looking at.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Visits, Worries & Music
A while back I figured out a new way to relieve stress. Maybe I already wrote about it. Feeling to lazy to look thru the blog and check...
I wrote down all of my worries. They are in my purse. When I feel prepared to worry, I pull them out. It seriously works. If I start to worry, I remind myself that those are in my purse and I have to pull them out to worry about them, and then I stop worrying.
That and I started chewing my nails again. In this way I can relate to a smoker who is trying to quit. I haven't chewed my nails for months, and years before the time I slipped up last. Ugh.
I went for a visit to see my parents a teensy bit over a week ago and got back on Tues. It was a really good trip. It was also a really sad trip. Dad has definitely lost weight, gotten weaker, gotten sicker. It breaks me. I finished up a memory book for him before my trip and gave it to him while I was there. It was an emotion/time-consuming project. I started back in May and got it done just a few days after Eddy & I were engaged. First of all, it had to be "perfect". Secondly, it made me cry everytime. It was well worth it tho. I think my Dad really appreciated it. It was really special and focused on our lives together as father & daughter throughout the years. And I always feel healthier emotionally when I have been able to express something important to someone in a well thought out way.
There is no real news when it comes to his health; they don't even really have a baseline in terms of the cancer growth & spread. Since he has started the chemo after the trials didn't work, he has not had any scans. He now has tumors in his kidneys, stomach, liver, lungs, on his humerus (the arm bone that meets up with the clavicle at the shoulder area), and he's having similiar bone pain in his hip, so tumors are suspected there. It could be elsewhere, but we won't know until his scan at the end of the month. His last round of chemo is on the 28th and he should have some more prognosis info on the 6th of October. Once we have that, I will start putting together my plan to be there with him. Like I told my parents, there are no easy answers. I have a job that I like, a comfortable home with the man that I love, my kids are settled in at their schools, but I have to prioritize as life comes at me. I can and will make sacrifices (most temporary) in order to spend this last bit of time with him. Because if I don't it will forever hurt me. It is something that I need. I need to be there with him and give him all of the love & attention I can. He is very selfless in this and doesn't want me to shake up my life. My life will be shook up. He is my Dad, one of the biggest loves of my life. I am losing him & we will have to say goodbye. There just isn't any easy way to do that.
I called Dad tonight; I hadn't talked to him all day. He asked what we were up to and I told him that we had all just gotten back from the park; Cole riding his bike, Lainie her scooter, and Eddy and I walking and then some playground time. He said, "Enjoy it while you can." Those words are so very important. I'm realizing that time goes on-- with me or without me. When my time's all up, I want to know that I have spent it with the people that I love. That I have spent it in the moment and with my full presence; mind, heart, and body.
My Mom is struggling. It is a hard thing to see, and it is even harder feeling that she won't allow any help in dealing. It is frustrating. But my Mom has been who she is for a long time. I accept her and love her for her. Back when she was drinking heavily when I was a teenager I asked my Dad why he stayed with her. He said someday when I knew what love really was I'd understand. It's true. I can love her for who and what she is, or I can struggle and drain my emotions to figure out how to fix her and her problems.
Life is not easy. I'm not even to 30 yet and there have been many heartaches. I'm sure there will be more. I wish I knew a way to avoid it, but I don't. I will say that given my history in dealing with things, I am dealing pretty well. I will also say that I am grateful for all of the special people in my life. They are what make trudging thru and wiping many tears worthwhile.
Back when Dad was diagnosed he made a compilation of songs (6 cds worth) and named it "The Requiem". This is one of the many ways that we are alike. Emotions go hand and hand with music. He is expressing how he feels, his thoughts, his foresight, his memories. I listen and I find new messages from him everyday. These songs have become really important to me. There are many songs that I can see clearly how the lyrics relate to his life, there are others that I haven't yet figured out. Some of my favorites so far:
The Messenger by Daniel Lanois or Tea Party
I am inclined to think that the version my dad gave me was done by Daniel Lanois, and while I even think that the main Jeff singer guy of Tea Party is hot, the version done by Daniel Lanois is the best. The lyrics make no sense, but complete sense at the same time. It is so beautiful. I think of two people in a relationship just coming together out of painful previous relationships. Scorned and scared they fall in love apprehensively and almost pained, they finally realize that what they have and how irrelevant their pasts are to their future. My Mom and Dad were both previously married. I think both were considerably hurt by their first spouses.
Far, Far Away from my Heart by Bodeans.
Okay, so this video is NOT Bodeans. This totally cracks me up, but when I feel like I want to make fun of him I think, "hey this guy appreciates good music, I should cut him some slack" The lyrics from this song are beautiful and represent my dad's situation in many ways. "The feeling's coming on again, its kicking its screaming deep inside me. I'm so tired of fighting with myself." This sounds so much like the cancer. "I'm feeling more and more like less and less." Defeated: "And now I'm staring blankly at the TV set." "Far, far away from my heart" is about feeling that his loved ones were physically too far away or otherwise unreachable. Like his awful daughter that moved away from him to Idaho.
Watermelon in Easter Hay by Frank Zappa
An absolutely amazing song. Just get past the whispering in the beginning and you'll see what I mean. The instruments are all amazingly working together in this big happy love-cloud of a song. It drives Eddy crazy. He says it is the same chords over and over. I think my Dad likes it because it's awesome.
More songs to come.
I wrote down all of my worries. They are in my purse. When I feel prepared to worry, I pull them out. It seriously works. If I start to worry, I remind myself that those are in my purse and I have to pull them out to worry about them, and then I stop worrying.
That and I started chewing my nails again. In this way I can relate to a smoker who is trying to quit. I haven't chewed my nails for months, and years before the time I slipped up last. Ugh.
I went for a visit to see my parents a teensy bit over a week ago and got back on Tues. It was a really good trip. It was also a really sad trip. Dad has definitely lost weight, gotten weaker, gotten sicker. It breaks me. I finished up a memory book for him before my trip and gave it to him while I was there. It was an emotion/time-consuming project. I started back in May and got it done just a few days after Eddy & I were engaged. First of all, it had to be "perfect". Secondly, it made me cry everytime. It was well worth it tho. I think my Dad really appreciated it. It was really special and focused on our lives together as father & daughter throughout the years. And I always feel healthier emotionally when I have been able to express something important to someone in a well thought out way.
There is no real news when it comes to his health; they don't even really have a baseline in terms of the cancer growth & spread. Since he has started the chemo after the trials didn't work, he has not had any scans. He now has tumors in his kidneys, stomach, liver, lungs, on his humerus (the arm bone that meets up with the clavicle at the shoulder area), and he's having similiar bone pain in his hip, so tumors are suspected there. It could be elsewhere, but we won't know until his scan at the end of the month. His last round of chemo is on the 28th and he should have some more prognosis info on the 6th of October. Once we have that, I will start putting together my plan to be there with him. Like I told my parents, there are no easy answers. I have a job that I like, a comfortable home with the man that I love, my kids are settled in at their schools, but I have to prioritize as life comes at me. I can and will make sacrifices (most temporary) in order to spend this last bit of time with him. Because if I don't it will forever hurt me. It is something that I need. I need to be there with him and give him all of the love & attention I can. He is very selfless in this and doesn't want me to shake up my life. My life will be shook up. He is my Dad, one of the biggest loves of my life. I am losing him & we will have to say goodbye. There just isn't any easy way to do that.
I called Dad tonight; I hadn't talked to him all day. He asked what we were up to and I told him that we had all just gotten back from the park; Cole riding his bike, Lainie her scooter, and Eddy and I walking and then some playground time. He said, "Enjoy it while you can." Those words are so very important. I'm realizing that time goes on-- with me or without me. When my time's all up, I want to know that I have spent it with the people that I love. That I have spent it in the moment and with my full presence; mind, heart, and body.
My Mom is struggling. It is a hard thing to see, and it is even harder feeling that she won't allow any help in dealing. It is frustrating. But my Mom has been who she is for a long time. I accept her and love her for her. Back when she was drinking heavily when I was a teenager I asked my Dad why he stayed with her. He said someday when I knew what love really was I'd understand. It's true. I can love her for who and what she is, or I can struggle and drain my emotions to figure out how to fix her and her problems.
Life is not easy. I'm not even to 30 yet and there have been many heartaches. I'm sure there will be more. I wish I knew a way to avoid it, but I don't. I will say that given my history in dealing with things, I am dealing pretty well. I will also say that I am grateful for all of the special people in my life. They are what make trudging thru and wiping many tears worthwhile.
Back when Dad was diagnosed he made a compilation of songs (6 cds worth) and named it "The Requiem". This is one of the many ways that we are alike. Emotions go hand and hand with music. He is expressing how he feels, his thoughts, his foresight, his memories. I listen and I find new messages from him everyday. These songs have become really important to me. There are many songs that I can see clearly how the lyrics relate to his life, there are others that I haven't yet figured out. Some of my favorites so far:
The Messenger by Daniel Lanois or Tea Party
I am inclined to think that the version my dad gave me was done by Daniel Lanois, and while I even think that the main Jeff singer guy of Tea Party is hot, the version done by Daniel Lanois is the best. The lyrics make no sense, but complete sense at the same time. It is so beautiful. I think of two people in a relationship just coming together out of painful previous relationships. Scorned and scared they fall in love apprehensively and almost pained, they finally realize that what they have and how irrelevant their pasts are to their future. My Mom and Dad were both previously married. I think both were considerably hurt by their first spouses.
Far, Far Away from my Heart by Bodeans.
Okay, so this video is NOT Bodeans. This totally cracks me up, but when I feel like I want to make fun of him I think, "hey this guy appreciates good music, I should cut him some slack" The lyrics from this song are beautiful and represent my dad's situation in many ways. "The feeling's coming on again, its kicking its screaming deep inside me. I'm so tired of fighting with myself." This sounds so much like the cancer. "I'm feeling more and more like less and less." Defeated: "And now I'm staring blankly at the TV set." "Far, far away from my heart" is about feeling that his loved ones were physically too far away or otherwise unreachable. Like his awful daughter that moved away from him to Idaho.
Watermelon in Easter Hay by Frank Zappa
An absolutely amazing song. Just get past the whispering in the beginning and you'll see what I mean. The instruments are all amazingly working together in this big happy love-cloud of a song. It drives Eddy crazy. He says it is the same chords over and over. I think my Dad likes it because it's awesome.
More songs to come.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Every major breast cancer advocacy group supports healthcare reform. But "they" are secretly trying to kill off old people, republicans, and women.
Idiocy is entertaining & makes a good blog post when one doesn't want to write.
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