Lotsa changes

Well, obviously I'm here because I'm distressed. Many of my current issues are simply just a matter of adjustment and establishing a sense of normalcy.

So we've moved back to Vancouver. My hometown. Where my mom is and now where my job is and where Eddy's school is. For numerous reasons we decided that moving was our next step, and our best option. I applied and received a promotion to a banker position. I am excited about it, and I think I'll do great. I am sad to have left my original branch and all of the people there. I am realizing more and more how great we worked together and how successful we were as a team. I really do miss them! I'm hoping I will have that exact sentiment for my new branch very soon, but I do definitely see some issues, none of which are in my direct control.

My mom (and our bank account) is soooo happy to have us back. Eddy and I are staying in my mom's basement apartment, Elaina is upstairs in my old bedroom and Cole has the remaining bedroom to himself. Obviously the kids are ecstatic to have their own spaces again; living in the same space was starting to wear on them. Our little basement apartment is slowly turning out pretty cute! We're going to be footing all of the utility bills and grocery costs, so we'll be able to set some money aside for savings and contribute to the cost of Eddy's school (we don't want to finance too much in the way of student loans).

Eddy will be going to school to get his Bachelor's degree in Logistics. So 4 years from this Fall, maybe I'll be a happy homemaker... if I'm not a happy banker at that point. He is restless about being unemployed and is looking for something part-time.

Being back is so hard though. Seeing my dad's things and missing his voice and laugh and hugs. I'm currently typing on his old computer. I will never stop saying it (even though it is a waste of breath): it's not fair. I've been so tired since we've arrived and don't really want to go anywhere but home and work. I've been having stomach issues and wish I could dismiss the thoughts that things could be seriously wrong. Logically, I KNOW that it is highly improbable that I have pancreatic cancer (yep, I'm that crazy), but after believing for so many years that my dad was the strongest, most invincible creature of this earth and watching him become riddled with pain and cancer, I'm just a little extra paranoid about my body's functions and dysfunctions. I wish someone, somewhere, with some serious credibility could provide me a logical explanation of why life is so fucking confusing, scary, and gray sometimes? Personally, I'm all for black and white. I like definite.

Oh and happy things I've neglected to tell you, since I only post crappy things here? Eddy and I were so happy to be married on June 12, 2010. He officially adopted Elaina and Cole on July 7, 2010. I cried super happy tears both times. I love my family. I love my kids. I love my husband. I love my mother and I love and miss my dad. I am super fortunate to have what I have. I guess it's just human nature to not ever be truly settled and content?