There is nothing new to report. 39 days until our wedding and while I am ecstatic to be married to Eddy, I am highly stressed about getting it all put together (including fitting into my dress).
Several people have told me that I should pursue a career in writing. While I agree that I am a decent writer, there is a big obstacle blocking that idea. I only write interesting, insightful, and well-thought out sentences when I am upset or feeling intense about something. My happy writing is boring.
So what brings about my post today? I was finalizing the guest list for our wedding ceremony and clicked on a saved file from last year with our list of invited guests. My dad was #2 on that list. It's a waste of finger-energy to even type this because I know that it doesn't change anything to type it or make anything better, but it just isn't fair that he's gone. It just ISN'T fair. I miss him so much. I've started dreaming nearly every night about showing up at the wrong place for my wedding, or forgetting my vows, or Eddy showing up at the wrong place, the judge not showing up, or my dress being stained, or some other wedding freak-out. Last night, in between those type of dreams I dreamt that my dad had inhabited my sweet cat Benji. He talked and sounded just like my dad and I carried him around with me. At one point my little family and I were walking down a country road on a beautiful, sunny summer day with my dad (the cat). It was sure nice to finally enjoy a dream.
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